I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
