I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
