I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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