just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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