I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
