I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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