Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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