just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
