I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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