If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
