just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
