I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
