I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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