Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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