I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
