can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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