Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
