Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
