i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
