I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I take back everything I said about communal showers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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