I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
