my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
