I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
