I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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