And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
