Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
