Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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