i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
