Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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