Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
