like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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