Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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