Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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