Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
