I want to walk on stilts...naked
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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