I'm eating all of the evidence.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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