he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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