And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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