I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No subtext here. People are naked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
