Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
