Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
