I hope mine doesn't look like that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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