I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
