thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
