i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
