My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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