I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
