You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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