I hate your face
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
