the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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