Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
