I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
