I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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