are you still at the devil's house?
hotel room ftw
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
