The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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